Recently I played a card game called “Can we Talk?” At the end of the game, you will realize one of these 3 things; That you are extremely unaware of yourself or you know your core self well, that you doing your best to have healthy and working relationships or you are really not making the effort to have the same, that it’s your responsibility to actually start or continue to invest in your relationships if you are to see a change or have them to the quality you need them.
One of the most important experiences I picked from this game is the essence of communication or having fruitful, intentional conversations with your friends. Through this engaging conversation I was able to learn so much from my friends and also identify certain areas in our friendship that need to be worked on… Interesting, right? So, can we talk? Let’s have a conversation about communication and how it impacts our walk with people:
I have personally learnt that communication allows to you explain to someone else what you are experiencing and what your needs are. This not only helps to meet your needs, but it also helps you to be connected in your relationship. We all need that.
Communication is the only way to know what another person is thinking or feeling. Without it, trust, conflict resolution, and other important elements of a connection become difficult or even impossible. I have had experiences where, because of miscommunication or no communication at all, I would be in ever increasing, unending shenanigans and you know, sometimes if the rest of the world never gets to hear your side of the story about an issue, you might live your life misunderstood and labelled a certain way by some. Though, when you learn to stop being a people pleaser, or rather find yourself and your purpose, you begin to have a peaceful and focused life because before God, you know who you truly are, and above all, He knows you.
Communication is not only paramount for growth, it is also essential for building a long-lasting and fulfilling relationships. We are increasingly becoming a generation that would rather conclude on sensitive matters rather than have meaningful and intentional conversations. We cry about having healthy relationships but we don’t want to do the work to maintain the ones we start. We would rather destroy each other than build a community that fights one common enemy. We don’t want to have those hard conversations… We would rather tell everyone else about someone than have the love to talk to them and resolve or reconcile. We have adopted unkind ways of helping others or rather seeking for help, but we still want healthy relationships! It’s like if your car broke down but you take your neighbor’s car to the garage; how would that help yours?
Our parents raised us on the foundation of honesty; infact in their fellowship, they had a practice called walking in the light (omushana), that if someone offends you or you have issues with them, you talk to them, sort your issues, and save the fellowship from unwanted weights. We have all these excuses for not having the hard talks with the people in our lives because we would rather save the peace outside, but suffer Inside. Yes everyone else will understand you because you would rather seek vindication from others, but when you sit down and examine your heart and take responsibility of your feelings and actions, do you have peace with yourself?
Working through challenges together through honest communication can be difficult, but beneficial. The more you and your friends can do this successfully, the more trust you’ll build in each other. You may realize that they’re there for you—like an equal partner in facing whatever life may throw at you. You may also be more likely to look at a problem as something to tackle together rather than something that comes between you, you know!
Truth is that if we want to strengthen trust, we have to begin to say what we mean, and mean what we say, and provide a safe place for others to do the same.
My friend, if something is bothering you, take the time to have a conversation about it – bottling up your feelings or brushing an issue under the carpet can end up causing more harm than good.
Also, although some people find it incredibly difficult to say what they want to say face-to-face, we should learn to never approach a serious subject or start an argument via text messages. Text messages can be interpreted in lots of different ways and as such, they’re often misunderstood, making a potentially volatile situation ten times worse. Some people have even learnt to take screenshots and share such conversations with people that were not part of the genesis of the issue, hence blowing things out of proportion, and starting a “mpalanilako” warfare that is many times not necessary.
Friends, it doesn’t matter how much we tear ourselves up and down, God created us for fellowship; we need each other, our children depend on it. We need to be intentional with making sure that we make what we need, to work. The devil is not sitting down enjoying the sight of us flourishing in our families and relationships, so he would do anything to destroy that.
Listen, even if you’ve been in a relationship for a long time, a lack of communication can lead to misinterpreting behaviors. Okay, I feel like if you’re frequently telling your thoughts and feelings and working through conflict together, you may be able to gain a better understanding over time of who your friends truly are and what motivates them. You can learn more about how their mind works, what their needs and priorities are, and what they like or dislike. Without this insight into their inner workings, you might attribute their actions to a motivation or characteristic that isn’t true. This can lead to misunderstandings and frustration, and it may mean you simply don’t know your friends on as deep a level as you might if you were used to talking openly with each other.
So, can we talk? Can we set boundaries with our friends and honor them? Can we actually have those hard conversations? Can we try our best to make these adult relationships work? Can we? Because it’s possible.
Stay Blessed.
#WiGTyT
