The year 2022 has been different for many of us, but what is common for all us as of today is that it is ending! How it is ending is very dependent on how God designed it to be for each one of us. All of us have grown or are yet to grow a year older, and in many aspects, this has different and unique impact in our lives and stories.
With that said, I would like to celebrate you for being brave, resilient, strong-willed, purpose driven, courageous and hopeful. You have made it to the last month of the year, regardless of what did or did not happen through the year.
You have come out of the challenges you faced stronger and wiser, and are ready to take on even bigger challenges in future. That kind of endurance builds character. You might not have done or accomplished much, but one thing is for sure, you have become! The definition of what you have become lies deeply within your heart.
Out of this year’s many experiences and lessons, there are two things that I would love to share as we close this year, and I believe they will boost our hope for a better season next year;
The cancer of comparing ourselves with others.
The cancer I am writing about here starts with us looking at someone who is exceptionally good at something that we wish we were better at, or looking at someone’s achievements that we wish we could have. It starts out innocently, almost admirably. We see someone with great skill or accomplishment, and we watch them intently; wanting to learn from their skill and prowess. In and of itself, there is nothing wrong here. The problem comes with the filter we create about this person’s skills. As we watch them to focus on their greatest strengths, and the more we observe those strengths, the less we observe, or even notice their weaknesses or failures.
It is at this point when our out-of-focus view of the other person moves from admiration to adulation, and from learning from them to lusting for what they have. When comparisons reach this point, it is best to remember that whomever you are idolizing is a human with frailties and faults, just like you. Remember too that for every great strength you are observing, they have weaknesses too – just like you.
Comparisons are tough enough when we compare our worst to someone else’s best, but when we determine someone’s best is unreachable, we have the recipe for killing our confidence.
This is the one of the biggest problems with the comparison to someone who is exceptional at something we aspire to. Inevitably, we end up at “I could never be as good as them.” Once we reach this point, the downward spiral of our confidence is determined, and any chance that we can look at that person’s accomplishments or skills as aspirational versus impossible is lost.
Comparisons can help when we look at them in the right light. In fact, if we keep them where we started – watching and observing a highly skilled person can be helpful. We keep it in the right light when we attempt emulation not imitation.
Understand that we have different paths of life, and as much as we will have to learn from and observe others, we must endeavor to find ourselves, build confidence in what we believe we can become, achieve and accomplish, and rest in the fact that there will always be someone better, but we too are becoming better every passing day. His daily unfolding grace is enough to sustain us.
Building and sustaining Relationships.
This has been by far, and I believe will always be one of the greatest challenges in life. There is a lot to learn about love every day, and as we grow and seasons change, we find ourselves in a cycle of trying to cope with the multi-dimensional aspects of relationships yet having to remain grounded on the foundation of the love of God which has been shed abroad in our hearts as the center and pivot of all relationships.
Every relationship is different, but they all matter because they give meaning and richness to our work and to our lives. We all need a community of people to share the joys and the struggles of organizing and making community change. For example, I have learnt that to build a community it must occur one-to-one. You need to build relationships with people one-to-one if you want them to become involved in your life or engagements. Some people become involved in certain things because they believe in the cause. However, many people become involved in a community group or organization or even events like weddings and the like, just because they have a relationship with the person involved.
Bottom-line is, the more relationships you have, the better. Whether they are workmates, church-mates, civil servants, business people, elders, gardeners, children, people with disabilities, homeless people or whoever else – building friendships will pay off in ways you may never have anticipated.
We have to take the time to set up and sustain relationships. If you wait for others to establish relationships with you first, you may spend a lot of time waiting.
One reminder: It does not make sense to form relationships just to get people to do things for you. That will not work because people will feel used. Community builders approach relationships with integrity. We form relationships because we genuinely like someone, because we have something to offer that person, or because we share some common goal. Love does not demand that others conform to your preferences. Love is a choice to place the needs of another before your own. (~GC)
In order to build or start meaningful relationships, build them one at a time, be friendly, ask people questions, tell people about yourself, go places and do things, accept people the way they are, assume other people want to form relationships too, overcome your fear of rejection, be persistent, and enjoy people.
In addition, to sustain relationships; Pay attention to people, communicate openly, appreciate each other, extend yourself and go a little out of your way, at least occasionally, challenge each other to do better, and back each other when things get tough.
Moreover, when things get messy, take time to listen to each other, put yourself in the other person’s shoes, try to look at what is true about what the other person is saying, separate emotions from reality. Everyone has emotions that surface intermittently. People often say things they do not mean when they are in the middle of an emotional upset. Allow time and space for people to feel their emotions before you try to work things out.
Then continue to appreciate and respect each other, and do not give up your principles. Do not sacrifice what you believe in just to make a relationship work. If you give up on your principles, you will not be effective and the relationship will not work anyway. Hang in there when things get hard. You can take some breathing room, but try not to give up on the relationship altogether. When things are the toughest, there are important lessons to be learned. It’s best to keep a relationship that you’ve invested your time and caring into, unless God instructs otherwise. Sometimes, a relationship simply will not work, and we must admit it and let it go for the sake of our welfare and peace of mind. Managing relationships may be hard, but it is not impossible.
Overall, ‘adulting’ and going through the phases of life is not something pleasurable always, but we thank God who has given to us everything that is required to live a godly life, through the knowledge of Him that has called us to glory and virtue.
We would like to appreciate everyone that reads our articles, and we hope to have more meaningful conversations next year, to the glory of God.
Stay Blessed.
#WiGTyT
