In this life, everything you say or do will either be understood, or misunderstood by people; there is no middle ground. But whether you are understood or not, depends on a few things that I have learnt from my experience.
My mother tells me that I grew up a silent child, because she left me home with the maid most of the time, thumb suckling, until three years later when my brother was born. She was a busy headteacher’s wife, as both of them tried to make their marriage and career flourish as a young newly married couple who had moved to a new school, my dad as the headteacher.
I subconsciously developed a certain defense mechanism against feeling alone and sharing my issues with the people I loved. Somehow through life, I have found it really hard to communicate especially how I feel, or what I feel or even why, and consequently that introverted attitude affects my response to life’s experiences. Because of that, the need to talk about myself with others is quite straining because as a child, I learnt to swallow my salty tears and keep things in, hoping that with time, I will get over whatever it is, and I will be happy again. This, by the way, is not intended to push blame on anyone, but to explain a perspective.
In my early 20’s, I started to serve in church, and the ministry of the word taught me how to fix stuff myself; to fix my issues because the word of God is sharper than a double edged sword, you know; and that kind of adapted me to the attitude of making sure I walk according to and subject myself to the standard of the word always. When this discovery met with my introverted personality, I became more scared to share my life with anyone, because when you carry that attitude for long, the people around you start to think that you have everything under control, which may be correct, but there is a reason why God uses people to accomplish his purposes on earth. We need each other, we were made for fellowship, both with God, and brethren.
All I am building up to say is that the greatest cause of being misunderstood, according to my experience, has been a failure to communicate correctly. Communication in every relationship is like the foundation for peace and harmony.
I didn’t learn to speak out when I am hurt, I learnt to ignore what or who hurt me, until I get over it, which with time has cost me a lot of peace because somehow we always expect someone to know that they hurt us, which is wrong because my course of action in response will not be understood either. We are supposed to communicate between the lines, not read between them.
When you look back through many of the scenarios where you’ve been misunderstood, could it be because you didn’t communicate correctly? that you didn’t express yourself well, and consequently someone reached their own conclusion because of what they thought was going on? It happens, but we can change this.
All of us have a past, and life’s experiences have had their part in our perception of things, but now that we are renewed in knowledge, we can do things differently. Start by making sure you are communicating right and correctly to the people around you. Maybe you need to work on how you speak what you speak when you speak it!
What I mean is that there is always a better way of presenting certain ideas so that they are not misunderstood. There is always the best time to say certain things to someone no matter the need to say them and if you have studied the people you walk with or work with, you will realize that there are things you are not supposed to say to them, either because of their level of maturity, their personality, or the state of their hearts.
We must therefore understand that until we learn to communicate correctly, say the things we feel, at the right time and in the right way, we may be in the cycle of misunderstandings forever, and the next time you are misunderstood, ask yourself whether you communicated the right way in the first place.
On the other hand, it has not entirely been a me problem. From my story, you must have realized that some of the issues I had with communication spring up from childhood, and other influences of life. This implies that the same principle applies to everyone we meet in this life. Everyone has their own path of life, story and baggage that factually define their personality.
You must understand that we see life through a certain perspective, and that perspective can be formed either by life’s experiences or by truth, and at a certain stage in life as a child of God, you must choose between seeing life through His perspective, or through your past experiences. Choose His way of seeing things, see Jesus, see the Bigger picture always.
There are people in this life, who have made up their minds to misunderstand you, those who see you through the lens of their past or your past, those who will believe everything they hear about you, but verily, while you may not have control over what or how those people think, you have the responsibility to be understood by those that must. And the best way to do this is to learn to communicate with them correctly.
To a lesser extent, people will misunderstand you because of their own issues, which may include a twisted perspective, weaknesses and to the extremes of blindness and immaturity; but to a greater extent, we have the responsibility to work on our communication with the people in our lives. If everyone does their part, all of us will thrive in our relationships.
Be intentional about investing in the relationships that add value to you, Establish boundaries in your relationships, and respect them so that people know how to walk with you, instead of expecting them to know.
Am not saying that everyone in this life will understand you, but it’s your responsibility to make sure the people you love understand you. God himself made sure we understand Him, how much more? John 5:20 And we know that the Son of God has come, and he has given us understanding so that we can know the true God. And now we live in fellowship with the true God because we live in fellowship with his Son, Jesus Christ. He is the only true God, and he is eternal life.
May God’s Love abound.
Stay Blessed, and Make a deliberate effort to be happy.
Happy New Month
#WiGTyT
