Picking up from knowing that you are Loved, I found it necessary to hint a bit more on the cancer of people pleasing.
It is evident that when you have not concretely acknowledged that you are loved, you will do much to please men, and to be honest, the end of this road is rather exhausting.
People pleasing, in my opinion, is a result of either having fear of being alone or rejection, a low self esteem, seeking validation, or seeking to ride with people you can’t control. One could actually conclude that all this stems from failing to be perfected in love (Agape).
The word of God says clearly that Not with eyeservice, as men pleasers; but as the servants of Christ, doing the will of God from the heart; With good will doing service, as to the Lord, and not to men: Knowing that whatsoever good thing any man doeth, the same shall he receive of the Lord, whether he be bond or free.
Ephesians 6:6-8. So, why do you do what you do?
First things first, we said that it begins with understanding that God loved us first, and from that, the rest of life’s endeavors spring up, including loving others, serving others, and more. This means that we have peace with God, because he made the choice to love us first. Nothing we did or didn’t do inspired his willingness to love us. Our faith in Jesus transfers God’s righteousness to us and he now declares us flawless in his eyes.[a] This means we can now enjoy true and lasting peace[b] with God, all because of what our Lord Jesus, the Anointed One, has done for us. Romans 5:1 TPT
Once your relationship with God is built on the right foundation of receiving what he has already done, rather than trying to please him outside that kind of faith, this pattern dictates how you build your relationships with people. Now you realize that peace with God has nothing to do with the approval of other people, because it begins with him anyway.
People pleasing manifests itself in forms like, spending majority of your time doing things for other people, finding it hard to say no to people, the fear of letting people down, love for public approval other than loving yourself enough to make it through the darkest of times and that’s the reason why it’s exhausting because it demands time and energy.
When you learn to love yourself enough, approve of yourself enough and look at yourself through the same lens God sees you through, it saves you the burden of trying to find refuge in men. Remember, it’s good to want people to like you, but you should be able to live and be fine, even if they didn’t, because you are assured of the unchanging and unfailing love God has toward and for you. Paul, in Romans 8, helps us realize that nothing should shake our conviction of God’s love for us, because in this warfare, that’s what makes us more than conquerors. Am not suggesting that we don’t need people, but rather speaking in context.
So you do well to find yourself, and reach your full potential by being real, because that is all God wants to use to bless the world. Yet with all this assurance, you can’t reach your full potential when you are trying to be everything everyone else wants or expects you to be.
We must therefore make a conscious decision to remain aware that we please God, because that is what really matters. Pleasing God puts you in a position to be a blessing to people, because he alone knows what is best; but pleasing God may sometimes mean not pleasing people. It may require you to say no to people, when God needs your yes. (Then Peter and the apostles replied, “We must obey God rather than men [we have no other choice].Acts 5:29 Amp)
Life becomes more meaningful and easy when you are walking in the fulfillment of God’s purpose for your life, because then, you are not trapped by the fear of people, but instead, God causes all things to work together for your good. (Fearing people is a dangerous trap, but trusting the Lord means safety. Proverbs 29:25 NLT)
So from today, make a deliberate decision (in order to be delivered from people pleasing), to validate yourself enough through the word of truth, learn to say no when you are actually not able to help, learn to take time for yourself and reflect and evaluate your progress in life, know where you are going, and what you are doing to get there, ask God to help you figure out the right associations, especially people who respect your values and boundaries and stop seeking your worth from others but instead live free from other people’s expectations. Acknowledge when you are starting to please people because you fear them or can’t control them, and instead find peace with being who you are, and letting them be themselves too.
Be satisfied with having people whose friendships greatly impact your life. Hallelujah.
Stay Blessed
