Today, let’s climax our conversations on building healthy relationships with thoughts on how to sustain adult friendships; the challenges of building and sustaining them without losing ourselves in the process. Our discussion today is an amalgamation of different schools of thought with the intention of harmonizing ideas that can help us learn how to navigate this adult friendship experience.
There are few things more fulfilling than having a close friendship with someone. Whether you’re bonding with your schoolmates or catching up with an old friend you’ve known since childhood, there’s something unique about having a strong relationship with a person who makes you feel seen and heard. We can partly agree, as research suggests, that prioritizing friendship could be associated with better health and well-being and that feeling connected to others can reduce your stress levels.
While it’s no secret that friendship matters for our health and happiness, maintaining close friendships isn’t always easy. Maybe finding your social circle in school was seamless, but making friends as an adult feels overwhelming. Maybe you’re super busy and struggle to find time to socialize, or you recently moved to new spaces and you miss feeling close to your old friends, or may be you generally struggle to make friends. No matter what your circumstances, if you’re craving close friendships in your life right now, you’re not alone.
First, let’s define what makes a close friendship:
A close friendship is characterized by mutual trust, respect, and emotional intimacy. According to clinical psychologist Annia Raja – Ph.D, “It’s a relationship where you can feel comfortable being yourself and sharing your innermost thoughts and emotions without fear of judgment or rejection.” Research has shown that people with strong friendships are happier, healthier, and more resilient to stress. The emphasis on stress is because many people don’t get to realize that having unhealthy relationships can lead to a very uncomfortable and stressful life.
Close friends provide safety, comfort, and a deep sense of alignment and intimacy. Close friendships are important because we are social beings, and we are wired for connection with others. We have a natural desire to be seen and understood; close friendships allow that desire to be satisfied. They also involve honesty, support, and understanding.
Usually, there are certain characteristics that can help you discern whether the close friendships you have are healthy;
- You have a mutual sense of respect, trust, and support.
- You can be open and honest with each other.
- You’re comfortable being vulnerable and sharing your struggles with them.
- You can trust that your friend will have your back.
- They make you feel safe, valued, and understood.
- You can be yourself around them without judgment.
- You feel good spending time together and enjoy their company.
- They accept you for who you are and have your best interests in mind.
- You can repair any conflicts productively with healthy communication.
- Even if you haven’t seen your friend in a long time, you feel like you can still pick up where you left off.
With that said, it’s easy to confuse the kinds of friendships so lets talk a bit about the different kinds so that we learn how to focus our energy and time.
There are many types of friendships, ranging from people you met during childhood, to your school mates, to work friends, church friends and many other places where we interact with people in our walk of life. It’s common to have different types of friends during varying seasons of your life, with each friend serving a different purpose. Here below are a few of the most common kinds of friendships:
- Social friends: A social friend is someone you tend to see and socialize with regularly. You most likely hang out with a social friend to have a good time and engage in fun activities, though you may not necessarily confide in or seek deep emotional support from them.
- Group friends: A group friend is someone you may see or talk to regularly as part of a friend group, though you may not necessarily spend time together one-on-one.
- Situational friends: Some friendships exist in the context of certain situations – for example, you may have work friends, Gym friends, school friends, church friends, or even a neighbor or housemate. These friendships tend to serve a specific role or purpose and may or may not be as intimate as other types of friendship.
- Lifelong friends: A lifelong friend is someone you’ve known for most or all of your life. Maybe you grew up together or met them in school, and your shared experiences created a strong foundation. You might grow apart or not see each other as often the older you get, but you still have a positive friendship with them and catch up every once in a while. Lifelong friends are also people who see you through different stages of life and can keep you connected to your roots or history.
- Life-stage friends: Whether you’re a student, recent grad, single, newly married, or becoming a parent, life-stage friends are people who connect with you based on being in a similar stage of life. They understand the chapter of life you’re in and are going through it alongside you.
- Best friends: These are the most intimate and important friendships; the ones where you have a strong social and emotional foundation and feel like you can be honest and vulnerable with them. Similar to close/intimate friendships, best friendships aren’t necessarily about how much time you spend together but more about the quality and depth of your connection.
- Intimate Friend: Such is one you are building a marital destiny with, whether married or yet to be, such a friend is one you are most vulnerable with. You share the most intimate and the most sacred.
These kinds of friends should help you identify who is who in your life, and consequently who becomes close to you in the long run. You will realize that as your friends go through this process, only a few can become best friends because of what is required of such a connection.
Remember, all the above kinds of friendship are necessary and needed in our lives; they should be respected at their levels and not mixed up to cause confusion. Hopefully, understanding this could help reduce on issues like entitlement, an unnecessary conflicts or misunderstandings in relationships. Needless to say, any of the first ‘5’ kinds can progress into Best Friends, and consequently intimate if you plan to enter holy matrimony.
Eventually, in life we all crave for genuine close friendships, and while its understandable that opening up and getting closer to a friend can be tough whether it’s someone brand-new or a person you’ve known forever, here are some consolidated ways we can get closer to people:
Be brave and reach out.
When seeking a closer friendship, sometimes you have to make the first move. Whether it’s reaching out to an old friend, going to an event where you don’t know anyone, or talking to someone you don’t know, the hardest part is starting; you have to put in the work and effort – and most of the time, the benefits outweigh the risks. So take Responsibility.
Aim for quality interactions.
If you and your friends are able to make time for each other more often, the chances are high that you will become close organically. What’s more is that the quality of your interactions and conversations matters so much and will determine the quality of your friendship.
Carve out intentional time to catch up.
Life is busy, and it isn’t always possible to hang with friends 24/7, but making an effort to connect is crucial if you want to get closer to someone. Close friendships can take time to develop, but the investment is well worth it. So, learn to commit; commit to things that should make this friendship work.
Plan an activity and share an experience together.
To deepen your social connections, plan outings with your friends. This will give you something concrete to bond over and allow room for you to grow closer.”
Explore vulnerable conversations.
Close friendship requires vulnerability. To strengthen your bond, share your thoughts and emotions with your friends while inviting them to do the same. If you set the tone for vulnerable conversations in your relationships, chances are that your friends will follow your example. Practice active listening, tune into your friend’s feelings, ask questions, and be compassionate to help bring your friendship closer.
Support your friends through the ups and downs.
Close friendships are all about supporting each other during both fun and hard times—and remember, the support should be mutual. Nobody likes a one-sided friendship where everything revolves around one person and their needs! Don’t be afraid to show vulnerability by asking for help when you need it, as well as reciprocating proactively and doing the same for your friend.
Pray for Your Friends.
This is probably the most underrated virtue in building and sustaining friendships. We are all going through thing, maturing and evolving, and sometimes it becomes rather hard to accommodate the shenanigans that come with sustaining adult friendships. A simple heartfelt and intentional consistent prayer for your friends can go a long way, both for their preservation and to help you not to judge them unfairly. Praying about who to walk with as friends is also equally important. You can always trust God to help you walk with the right people according to His purpose and will for your life.
Honestly speaking, some of the practices above are scary, but there’s no shortcut or automation to having fulfilling and healthy adult friendships. At the end of the day, a close friendship should be a genuine connection with someone who makes you feel safe, heard, and affirmed. They accept you for who you are without judgment, and they’re there for you through thick and thin. Close friendships are an essential part of our emotional well-being and sense of community and connectedness, so it’s worth investing time and effort to nurture and strengthen them.
Close friendships are also deeply personal and should be defined in a way that feels comfortable for you. ‘Close’ doesn’t have to mean that you’re seeing each other regularly or talking every day, ‘Close’ can mean that you have a good foundation for the friendship…you know that if you needed that friend, they would be there for you.
If you don’t feel like you have close friendships right now, don’t worry – a little bit of effort, vulnerability, and communication can go a long way. Whether you want to reconnect with an old acquaintance or strengthen an existing connection, take the leap of faith and go for it. A great friendship could be right around the corner. And above all this, trust the Holy Spirit to guide you in the process. God wants the best for you and you have to believe it for yourself.
Together, we can build long lasting friendships and have functional lives, supportive communities and a healthy and happy nation. This generation and the generations to come depend on our intentionality to make certain things happen. Heaven is counting on us to have wholesome and God built friendships. The revival happening in this season should not leave our relationships the same. Whatever seems impossible and difficult for us, God is more than able to do. Glory to His name.
Stay Blessed.
WiGTyT
